Color Breathing 101

What is color breathing?


Color breathing is a coping skill that combines a little mental imagery with intentional breathing to help modulate intense feelings, stabilize panic, soothe pain, slow rapid thoughts, or even get you more grounded. It's an invaluable tool that truly everyone can use, but it's especially beneficial for those who struggle with emotion dysregulation, flashbacks, dissociation, and more. So, how do you do it?!

There are many ways to use color breathing, so not only is customization the fun part but it's also the key to its success! One of the most common ways folks use it is to first imagine a very calming color (perhaps deep blues or purples, or yellows and golds for others), then assign a color that matches the upsetting or painful emotions/sensations you're experiencing (maybe reds, oranges, or blacks). Slowly inhale the calming shade deep into your lungs. Watch it effortlessly locate all the areas of unrest, anxiety, or pain inside of you. See it just as easily envelope them, soothe them, heal them. As the color you see representing your distress gets extracted from every cell, space it invaded, or place it was radiating off of you, begin your exhale. Watch that color, in all of the shapes and textures it embodied, leave you with as long a breath as you can manage. It may leave in a rush, like it was almost expelled from your chest, or instead find itself slow and difficult to release as you contend with its resistance.

Repeat this deep inhaling and exhaling of colors until you feel more at ease. You may even find that the colors change a bit as you start to improve - with reds dialing back to oranges then yellows, jagged edges softening, or black tarry sludge becoming thinner, lighter and easier to lift out. This version is most commonly used for anxiety and panic attacks, anger or budding rage, and physical pain. But, some find it helpful for all overwhelming (or dysregulated) emotions - like grief, sadness, embarrassment, shame, or even apathy and numbness - similarly opting to inhale invigorating, light colors and exhale the weighted colors of misery, loneliness, or guilt.

 

Another method is to concentrate mostly on the exhale—inhaling any clear, healing breath, and with each exhale of the negative feelings, watch the colors change like a gradient. Shifting from bright fiery shades to cooler tones, or from dark, fully-opaque colors to light, whimsy translucence. This is particularly useful if you haven't been able to identify which feelings you're experiencing or have no idea "what you need" to make things better. You just know what you're dealing with is intense and you want it out of you. Quickly. So, instead, put all your energy into exhaling any highly active colors until you either get to the calmer end of the 'rainbow' or maybe can’t even see your breath at all. This can be a really effective way to still dial things down – or UP if you need the reverse to combat numbness!

There are many, many other ways to customize this tool to work best for you. The more you can truly visualize the practice and believe in its effectiveness, the more successful it will be! There are also countless ways to apply this template beyond the colors alone. Incorporate speeds for racing thoughts or pounding heart rates that need to be stilled and quieted. Bring in different textures, medicinal properties, magic or fantasy elements, sounds, or physical gestures to go along with the flow of your breath. Fully connect with your body and be active in shifting what it is experiencing. Help yourself feel more in control - of your emotions, your body, and your healing.

 

For those who are not naturally inclined toward creative imagery, have aphantasia, or don't yet know what to assign their internal experiences, holding physical objects - like color dials you've made for yourself or colorful photos you like or have on your phone - can be helpful. You can use them as both a reference, as well as a tool to manually change, that either matches the color you've just achieved, are aiming to get to next, or need to pull from for your current inhale. These are great ways to make this technique more accessible to you. Modify it to be exactly what you benefit from most!

How would you go about color breathing?
Sharing new ideas, suggestions, or personal experiences - especially from other survivors -
can often be just the thing that makes new techniques click for someone else!

Happy, easier breathing!

 



MORE POSTS YOU MAY FIND HELPFUL:

  ✧  Grounding 101: 101 Grounding Techniques
  ✧  Distraction 101: 101 Distraction Tools
  ✧  Flashbacks 101: 4 Tools to Cope with Flashbacks
Self-Care 101: 101 Self-Care Tools
  ✧  Nighttime 101 and Nighttime 201Sleep Strategies for Complex PTSD
Color Breathing 101: How to Calm Overwhelming Emotions and Physical Pain
  ✧  Imagery 101Healing Pool and Healing Light
  ✧  DID MythsDispelling Common Misconceptions about Dissociative Identity Disorder
  ✧  Did You Know?: 8 Things We Should All Know about C-PTSD and DID
  ✧  Trauma and Attachment: 3-Part Series on Attachment Theory with Jade Miller
 
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Article Index  ❖

 


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Inpatient Trauma Care is in Crisis

Since Beauty After Bruises’ inception, we have been speaking to the dire need for more specialized, trauma-competent care for survivors with Complex PTSD and Dissociative Disorders. Not only a need for more therapists, psychiatrists, medical doctors, and healthcare services at large, but most critically, inpatient care. We were distressed by the lack of inpatient trauma units available back then, but following so many recent, rather sudden closures, it is no longer alarmist to say: This is a crisis.

So, what on earth is happening? Why are these units closing? And, what do we do from here, if we’re to have any hope of keeping our complex trauma survivors alive?

Hopefully, this in-depth look can shed some light on a rather complex problem - starting with how grave a situation we were already in, years ago.


Though there are thousands of psychiatric hospitals, facilities, and individual units across the United States, there are now less than five who are equipped to treat the nuanced, highly specialized needs of survivors with Complex PTSD and Dissociative Disorders. Devastatingly, we have had to sit back and watch in horror as some of the leading mainstays in trauma and dissociation closed their doors one-by-one. Others have downsized, greatly limited who they accept (based on patients’ location or level of care needed), changed leadership (and thusly, the structure and quality of their programs), or merged units with other psychiatric populations. This is unacceptable, worrying, and - truthfully - dangerous for all survivors in critical need.

WhY A specialized TRAUMA UNIT?

It may be easy to assume that survivors can go to any unit, or at least the next best thing - particularly if their life depends on it. But, 'just going somewhere else' often isn’t a safe or viable option; it may even jeopardize their lives further. Even units claiming they “are trauma-informed,” “see patients with DID,” “have a trauma track,” or simply “treat PTSD” are rarely, in fact, trauma-competent. We know it is possible to leave even the highest-rated inpatient programs with more trauma than the day you arrived, but when missteps and failures happen in the care of those who erroneously think themselves equipped to process trauma, bring child parts out of flashback, or talk time-disoriented alters down from active safety crises, the consequences can be fatal. They already have. Intellectually knowing ways trauma can affect a mind and body - versus having the skills, training, staff, environment, safety protocols, infrastructure, and detailed curricula to treat or engage with a traumatized patient - are very, very different things. This distinction exponentiates when caring for survivors with Dissociative Identity Disorder or who have organized perpetrator groups still active in their lives.

Other psychiatric units and residential programs unintentionally place complex trauma patients in danger when they do not have specialized treatment teams, properly-trained unit staff, quiet and low-trigger atmospheres (separate from other psychiatric populations), and/or locked units capable of handling both safety threats from outside the building as well as dissociative or wandering patients inside the building. It requires a very nuanced education to, first, correctly identify, then safely engage with a survivor who's in crisis versus a flashback, versus switching between self-states, versus having an immediate safety threat, versus experiencing a medical emergency. These are all delicate concerns of life and death, particularly when patients are already coming in at a critical low, with their symptoms and safety impulses most unmanaged. This is not merely the difference between a 3- or 4-star review.

Unfortunately, because there are no other options, many survivors are sent to these other locations. Or, they’re left to roll the dice in gen-psych in hopes of either stabilizing in 3 days, or - at the very least - adjusting necessary medications and quickly returning to their outpatient therapist. Rarely is any real therapy or treatment provided here, only attempts at acute stabilization. Other survivors are forced to come up with tens of thousands of dollars to try a more trauma-centered residential program. But, many of these locations run into the very same trouble as those above — particularly their inability to take on clients struggling with critical safety issues, behavioral outbursts, or co-occurring eating disorders, substance abuse, or medical illness. While not being a locked unit can offer survivors more freedom, it also means staff are unable to prevent elopement and are woefully under-equipped for any external safety threats, intruders, or even belligerent visitors. This not only jeopardizes the life and wellbeing of the patient these nefarious folks may be after, but also everyone else in the program, staff included.

It should also be noted that this sincerely tragic and heartbreaking state of affairs is not limited to the United States. This is a global crisis. Most countries have exactly zero trauma units. Some have one or two, though often of questionable caliber. Healthcare systems set aside, most nations encounter these very same complications internationally. It is unacceptable that, right as we are all collectively becoming more trauma-aware and trauma-educated than we’ve ever been, this is when doors begin closing left and right. So, what is happening? And why is it happening? Let’s examine.


WHY ARE TRAUMA UNITS CLOSING EN MASSE?

Unfortunately, like most things in life - particularly healthcare - it is multifactorial. With so many moving parts, people, institutions, dollar signs, and powers that be, it’s tough to summarize such a complex issue. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to at least identify all we can discern, otherwise we delay working on the elements within our means of influence. It is not hyperbolic to say survivors will die each day we fail to understand, and begin to rectify, this crisis.

An incomplete list of known reasons:

  • Hospital budget cuts. The simplest answer will always be money. And, when it comes to hospital systems, trauma units are often the easiest to cut when they need to trim margins - even if the program is in high demand, always full, and has a waitlist a mile long. They are usually the most niche focus in the entire hospital. They are also hard to advocate for amongst suits who have no knowledge of trauma or dissociation broadly, let alone how widespread it actually is. Moreover, in order to be an effective and therapeutic environment, they are kept small (usually amassing no more than 15-20 patients in a particularly large program) and thus, become easy to excise. Expansion - be it to serve more survivors desperately waiting at home or to prove its profitability to a hospital - isn’t truly viable due. It drastically compromises the quality of care, patient atmosphere, and overall safety of everyone when too many struggling and dissociative survivors are congregated in one space.

  • Expertise comes at a price. The caliber of trauma professionals required to adequately staff a trauma unit - from the doctors, therapists, social workers, nurses, and accessory therapy leaders to the round-the-clock mental health workers - is extremely high. They need and expect to be paid accordingly for said expertise, hours of training, and broader qualifications obtained to work there. As they should. Few to no other psychiatric units in any medical center carry this amount of professional weight, nor do they require this much funding to support.

  • Training. Related to but separate from above, the amount of training that the day-to-day unit staff must receive - as well as the hospital-wide art, music, occupational, movement, and/or psychodrama therapists; medical directors, pharmacists, and doctors; RNs, unit nurses, residents, social workers, and more - on the nuances of trauma and dissociation in order to safely aid this population, takes time. And quality instruction. And those things cost money. But each staff member that enters a trauma unit, no matter how briefly, needs to understand the differences that this floor maintains in environment, patient rules, and detailed safety protocol that likely don’t exist on the other units.
    Float staff often require a crash course. Medical doctors, coverage psychiatrists, and rotating nurses need to be taught about dissociation, switching and the shifting brain chemistry patients with DID can experience that may affect their medications and/or medical health. Outside-unit staff called in for emergency health or behavioral codes need careful instruction on rules surrounding physical touch and chemical/physical restraint, as well as how patient engagement and deescalation approaches work differently here. (And, to be fair, these should be hospital-wide policies, not solely applied to the trauma unit, but we can’t fix all of psychiatric care here at once!) Above all, the daily unit staff need to be fully educated on PTSD, triggers, dissociative disorders, switching, flashbacks, grounding, child parts, emotion dysregulation, internal communication, and safety safety safety. To not only recognize, but mitigate and/or teach these things to patients who need to learn how to do these things for themselves when they leave. It takes time. Often shadowing for weeks. It takes dedication. Patience. Compassion. Loyal, focused staff. Which are all not only dollar signs to a hospital, but just hard to come by on general. Because…

  • Inpatient crisis-care is grueling and painful. Staffing a trauma unit is hard. There was already a steep imbalance of trauma-competent or even -aware professionals versus the number of survivors in need since the beginning of time. But, inpatient care is emotionally and mentally intense. These brave souls see patients at their absolute worst, at a time their symptoms are the most unmanaged, emotions most dysregulated, and safety concerns most grave. The latter alone can be internally frightening. They are people - with big, warm, compassionate hearts. It’s a requisite for this work. They hear, on repeat, the worst crimes of all humanity, against the most precious of innocents this world has: children. And, they do it for years. It is hard on a mind.
    Burnout, vicarious and secondary trauma, or consciously opting to dedicate just a few years to this work before stepping down to outpatient care are all very common. The folks with these unique qualifications, talents, and now the one-on-one experience can find it more lucrative and rewarding to either start their own practice, join a collective offering adjunctive trauma therapies, or step down to day programs to help survivors integrate what they’re learning into their day-to-day lives. So, not only is staffing a trauma unit hard from the jump, retaining the staff you build there is even harder.

  • Healthcare worker burnout: 2020-edition. We are currently amidst a period of mass global trauma. Healthcare worker burnout in all fields and practices is occurring at such an accelerated rate it’s impossible to plug the leak. As clinicians and HCWs from other specialties leave (or have passed on themselves), those remaining must step in for them to fill the gaps. They are then spread even thinner, begin to burn out, leave, rinse, repeat. Trauma populations just happened to be so much more vulnerable to this to begin with. Having your own active trauma, on top of your clients’ past trauma, on top of their fresh and ongoing trauma is…a lot. Units are just unable to cope right now; and, as they have thinned out, not only did the quality of programs decline, but more severely, their safety has. Patients leaving more traumatized than they came in, or suffering catastrophic lapses in safety whilst there (or immediately upon discharge), aren’t things we can risk. Compromising unit integrity can cost lives. It’s a snowball effect that compromises everyone involved and only ends in disaster. Closure, or program reduction-and-refocus, is the only ethical choice.

  • Lack of awareness that dedicated trauma programs exist at all. The consequences this unfamiliarity to complex trauma care brings are twofold. First, most training psychologists and psychiatrists don’t even know trauma disorders are a specialty they could pursue. This makes them even less familiar with the option of completing their post-doctoral fellowship (or comparable residency) on a specialized trauma disorders unit. Second, the treating therapists of survivors are largely unaware that dedicated treatment centers exist for their patients in crisis to go. Combined, this creates an impossible equation. It not only increases the disparity between the number of treatment providers available to the number of survivors in need, but also makes it impossible to accurately measure the scope of that need. Reliable figures to represent the demand for trauma care are impossible to gather so long as clinicians aren’t attempting to admit their patients to programs they don’t know exist. Even waitlists fail to illustrate just how many are going without crisis care. We, inevitably, are losing far more than we can possibly know.
         Additionally, while ignorance to trauma and dissociation is prevalent in all of healthcare, those who are already in the field are too often unaware of what separates a “trauma unit” from any other program. Trauma disorders programs are as different from an adult general psychiatric or even dual-diagnosis unit as, say, an eating disorder or adolescent program would be to each of those. Not only from the staffing, rules, and unit atmosphere, but in the work that is done there. Daily schedules are filled to the brim - including things like educational groups on coping skills, the incorporation of DBT and/or CBT tools, broader trauma and child development psychoeducation, and medication management; processing groups to share heavy emotions, struggles with safety, sexuality and intimacy concerns, the challenges of comorbid addictions or compulsive behaviors, as well as even walking through trauma narratives; expressive therapies to work with one’s inner child or parts inside, connecting with your body safely, or creatively depicting important emotions; as well as an abundance of relapse prevention-based groups. Individual therapy may be 3-5 times a week and psychiatry is usually daily. It is hard, intense, grueling work. Stays are often 2-3 weeks at minimum but can easily become months depending on the program and level of care needed. These units do more than just stabilize patients; leaving prematurely can be quite dangerous, which is, of course, why they stay longer.
         So. How do we prove the value and necessity of trauma units when far too many have never even heard of their existence? How do you staff an entire unit and fill it with the survivors desperately needing to be there if you don’t even know it's an option?  …sadly, it’s become almost too accurate to say they don’t actually exist.

  • Pioneers of trauma hospitalization are retiring. Most of the leading trauma units began in the 80s-90s, with the pioneers of trauma and dissociation research as we know it at the helm. They built their programs from the ground up, trained those under them for decades, and remained in leadership until very recently. It’s now time to retire, step down, or focus only on education. When they leave, finding quality leadership to fill their shoes can be a messy, disruptive, chaotic transition. While some found balance, others didn’t at all. Even those who seemed to at first lost what they had over time. And, when there’s disruption at the top, it seeps into everything beneath it - like syrup soaked through a pancake stack. That’s when patients suffer. And, when patients begin to suffer instead of heal, that’s when you’re failing oath number one of any good medical practice: Do No Harm.

  • Ever-evolving fields create change and conflict. The true understanding of trauma and dissociation is not only a relatively new, ever-evolving landscape, but the preferred treatment models are steeply in flux. The various treatment facilities we have had often disagreed with one another, had different modalities, rules, groups, and patient atmospheres. But, that was largely a good thing, because patients could then choose the model that was working best for them through the guidance of their outpatient teams. And, that’s the benefit of having so very many locations. Patients aren’t a monolith. And certainly not those with dissociative disorders. But, when that disagreement is occurring internally, within one program, and they’re unable to settle on best practice or modality, things break down. Programs unravel. Staff leave. Patients are failed. You know the tune by now.

  • Long stays, long waitlists, long everything. Trauma units are most effective when they don’t merely stabilize a patient and send them on their way, but instead supply a modest amount of treatment. First: robust tools, coping skills, trauma education. For some, a diagnosis at all. Many learn for the very first time, only while hospitalized, that they have any trauma at all, that they dissociate, or that they possess an entire OSDD/DID system within them. It can be a HUGE, life-altering shock—one that requires a delicate, gentle hand to help them digest and process it through. Others need a safe place they can go to work through a piece of trauma content that’s continually destabilized them outpatient. This, too, requires great care and - above all - time.
    Stays can become quite long. There is little turnover compared to other units. Their waitlists are often so long that those in crisis can’t actually get in when they need it. They’re forced to go elsewhere - even if it’s an eating disorder, substance abuse, or other subspecialty program that includes some trauma care. This isn’t ideal for anyone, but hospital systems don’t like it either. Insurance companies above all don’t like it. Patients can’t afford it when they’re either cut-off too soon or before they can get in at all. The model just isn’t sustainable. Doctors and therapists don’t want to have up fight so hard just to keep their patient there. Accepting a pro-bono or halved rate to save a client’s life gets messy when you’re doing so repeatedly. Reimbursements dwindle. Many would rather just….frankly? Not fuss with it. Their time, patience and fight could be put in elsewhere for the benefit of survivors. It’s just one more reason that we need MORE units, not less. But, since that didn’t occur, the strain on those already here was inevitable. Breakdown follows.

  • Bad apples. Simply put? We’d be remiss to not acknowledge this very plain reality. Awful people exist everywhere. That sadly includes trauma care, be they leadership or unit staff. Sometimes they come as wolves in sheep’s clothing, others are merely ignorant but still harm all they touch. All it takes is one or two morally grey folks to step onto a unit before everything starts turning toxic. Y’know, “spoil the whole bunch” and all. Some units fell victim to this early and disintegrated, others later on. It became particularly evident in some locations when patients were coming out with horrid experiences by the handfuls. The consequences of this are just so much higher with already-traumatized clients. Therapists would avoid or warn against them. Eyes widen at their name. It, heartbreakingly, happens and was the downfall of some, just as it can be the downfall of any.


There are so many more spokes to this wheel that, while a disappointingly honest thought to end on, we could no doubt list more and more for hours to come. But, our fingers are admittedly tired, hearts just aching with pain, and whole selves yearning for solutions or a light to crack through the darkness just as much as you are. So, let’s take a moment to consider a few ways we can begin to turn this around. Breathe. Find fresh air.

What can we do to change this?

No action in this crisis is too small or insignificant. Whether you yourself are a survivor/patient, or instead are a clinician, concerned loved one, donor, legislator, or just a stranger with a heart, there are things we can do. And, we hope you share your own ideas below because we are in this together and thrive when we unite in collaboration, not independence.

An also-incomplete list of actions you - no, we - can take:

  • Spread the message. Educate. Inform! Share this grim reality, and all the knowledge therein, with everyone you can. Help it find the hands of those in a position to make some real movement. Make noise, kick and scream, get attention. Be seen. Refuse to be overlooked. There are, no doubt, those whom this directly affects that don’t even know how dark things have gotten—how few resources they’ll have should they find themselves in crisis. Much of the world is most certainly not aware how bad it has always been. Each person it reaches is a chance for change, a flicker of hope. When we all shine at once, we burn brighter and are impossible to ignore. Go light your world.

  • Support and raise awareness of trauma- and dissociation-dedicated organizations, like ours. Survivors won’t stop being in critical need just because there are few places for them to turn. And the public will still need reliable, accessible places to go to expand their education on trauma. We need to have a more robust supply of resources to offer everyone, to ensure they can get at least enough, even if it’s not everything they need or deserve. For our survivors who are able to access therapy, we need to guarantee they get to attend regularly, and don’t reach crisis points. For those who inevitably require inpatient care, we need to assiduously secure what is still available to them. We are only able to supply that with the aid of others. We must be the bridge to safety that’s been knocked down for them elsewhere.
    [Some organizations/efforts you may wish to direct your support can be found here and here.]

  • Contact to your local hospitals. Write, call, message, whatever is accessible to you - or do all the above! Explain the need for them to open a specialized trauma unit or day program in your area. Share the high demand, vital urgency, and how complex trauma care differs from the needs of a general psychiatric population. Urge them to consult leaders in the field and work together to build quality programs. Make them aware of how their whole hospital benefits from becoming trauma-informed.

  • Contact your community leaders, legislators, change-makers. Make them aware of the actions we need to see locally and nationally in regards to all mental health services, trauma care, and access to healthcare in its entirety. Ask them to support programs that keep folks out of crisis. Ask them to fund hospitals, mental health programs, training services that create more professionals and nonprofits who are making a difference in the lives of trauma survivors. Ask them to amplify and remedy this current trauma care crisis.

  • Vote. Be counted. Seek elections at all levels, from the smallest and most local, to the largest, most national. Seat those who will help move the needle for all mental health care - in schools, hospitals, communities, states, countries. Prioritize the needs of complex trauma survivors who are being sorely neglected.

  • Congregate together. Therapists, nurses, psychiatrists, mental health workers, everyone who’s ever had a dream to open up a unit or day program. Find one another and see if it’s something you might actually be able to bring to life together. What may have always been a private pipe dream on your own could actually materialize when you have an entire crew of passionate hearts with you, ones who are no longer willing to wait. Consult organizations like ours, ISSTD, An Infinite Mind, Blue Knot, and more to help design centers that will best serve our precious communities.

  • Start small. While we need more inpatient units, and quickly, prevention is the best medicine. There are countless services that trauma survivors need but are missing that can keep them out of crisis. “Simple” things like: reliable food, utilities, transportation to appointments and sessions, community, friendship, sober activities or accountability partners, safe housing, consistent phone or internet access, medical devices, help filling out forms, some laughter in their day, etc. See where you can lend a hand or support. If you can’t do it yourself, reach out to those who may be able. Generate noise there as well. Let people know who is in need.

  • Keep your spirits up and eyes on the goal. We know this is painfully crushing and feels rather dismal. It is extremely easy to become demoralized beyond belief or the ability to be effective. But we can’t get lost in the overwhelming sense of futility. Make sure to actively engage in self-care. Friendship. Community. Goal-setting. Active movements forward. Reflection at the progress. Gratitude. Hope-restoration. Do things that instill your faith in humanity or at least in yourself. Don’t let that dazzling spark, the one that was so invested in change you made it all the way to the end of this article, fade out. You’re made of the brilliant stuff.


So, lets do this. Together.

You are not alone and we won’t leave anyone behind. We refuse to.

We have the ability to redirect this ship, and if there is one thing that survivors have in abundance, it’s determination, grit, and FIGHT. But you’ve never had an entire army of the same on your side. Uniting together as one front, charging ahead—that is one helluva force. One that those in our way could never have seen nor imagined. So, let’s press onward. Advance. It’s time to claim what’s yours. …ours. What we as survivors and those dedicated to them have always needed and deserved: Protection. Safety. Hope.


MORE POSTS YOU MAY FIND HELPFUL:

  ✧  Grounding 101: 101 Grounding Techniques
  ✧  Distraction 101: 101 Distraction Tools
  ✧  Flashbacks 101: 4 Tools to Cope with Flashbacks
Self-Care 101: 101 Self-Care Tools
  ✧  Nighttime 101 and Nighttime 201Sleep Strategies for Complex PTSD
Color Breathing 101: How to Calm Overwhelming Emotions and Physical Pain
  ✧  Imagery 101Healing Pool and Healing Light
  ✧  DID MythsDispelling Common Misconceptions about Dissociative Identity Disorder
  ✧  Did You Know?: 8 Things We Should All Know about C-PTSD and DID
  ✧  Trauma and Attachment: 3-Part Series on Attachment Theory with Jade Miller
 
  ❖  
Article Index  ❖

 


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The BASK Model of Trauma Memory

In previous articles, we have talked a fair bit about flashbacks, particularly offering several tools and strategies to manage them. We have also discussed the more specific and unique phenomena of Emotional Flashbacks and Body Memories — all in the hopes of providing a few ways to work through them! But, we haven’t taken a proper detour into the mechanism behind all flashbacks, to really solidify the ways traumatic memory gets stored differently from regular, unfractionated, safe memory. To do this, we look to something called The BASK Model of dissociation and memory.

When a traumatic event occurs, for many folks, strong dissociation steps in as a means of self-protection. It helps compartmentalize the experience, or cast parts of it far outside of conscious thought, where it cannot be reached. It would be too distressing to be fresh on your mind, or even easily-accessible, when you're trying to go to work or are just making dinner. But, memories are made up of a vast, colorful array of mental, physical, emotional, and sensory experiences! Simplistically, we recognize them in four main categories: Behavior, Affect, Sensory, and Knowledge (BASK). We break down each of these further in the graphics below.

Let’s break those down a little further!

  • Behavior — What was the action in this memory? What did you physically do - or feel the overwhelming compulsion to do - with your body? Hide, flinch, run away, attack, duck/cover, stop speaking, yell, isolate, use self-destructive behaviors, go to a certain place, turn to stone, etc?

  • Affect — What were your emotions in this moment - even those stifled or shut-off? Were you sad, afraid, angry, worried, calm, disgusted, helpless, ashamed, enraged, suspicious, defeated, conflicted, intimidated, or even entirely numb or apathetic? Try to discern them from what you feel about the moment today.

  • Sensory — What were the sensations in your body? Racing heart, physical pain, thirst, trouble breathing, chills, numbness, clenched jaw, dizzy, sweaty palms, nauseous, muscle tension, off-balance/spinning, intoxicated, exhaustion, etc? Were you smelling anything in particular? Hearing specific things? Keys, footsteps, loud bangs, painful silence, whispering, creaking in a floor or door, cars, extreme weather, music, etc? Did you have any tastes? External feelings against your skin?

  • Knowledge — What were you intellectually aware of at the moment (the who, what, when, where, how)? The narrative, information, sequence of events? Additionally, what were your thoughts at the time? Even those that you later found out to be incorrect? What did you believe was happening or think to yourself as this moment was occurring?

During the unconscious process of putting thick dissociative barriers around this extremely sensitive material, some of those pieces scatter apart into far corners of the mind. They may each be fully detached from one another or linked up in unique, and sometimes perplexing, combinations. We know that a defining trait of PTSD, and one of its criterion for diagnosis, is "re-experiencing". When we push anything out of our awareness long enough (like when we stuff our feelings or pretend they don't exist for awhile) - but particularly if we've had to traumatically dissociate it away - it is likely to be intrusively thrust upon us against our will at some point. ...aaand typically when we're most vulnerable, least expect it, and it's the most inconvenient!

When we look to the BASK Model, and some of the unusual pairings that traumatic information can become linked, you can see how having them suddenly surface and come alive in your body without other important contextual pieces, can be deeply disorienting. It is understandably confusing, sometimes quite scary, and often easier to explain away by a hundred other things. You can now understand how this can manifest in symptoms like Body Memories (S + sometimes B), Emotional Flashbacks (A), or the ability to recount your trauma to someone without a single emotion or attachment to it in the world (K without A, and sometimes no B or S, either). Conversely, you may have every single indicator of a deeply terrifying event - it’s erupting in your thoughts, your skin, your emotions - and you know a trauma has to be there by context clues alone, but you’ve got zero intellectual awareness of what it is or where it's coming from (B+A+S). These scenarios only magnify in complexity when they’re become additionally scattered amongst parts of self in DID and OSDD systems.

The goal of traumatic processing is to find and link - or integrate - all these pieces to one another into one full, complete memory, then further integrate them into your self-concept, your narrative, the story of your life. If you're missing any vital pieces, not only are they still likely to revisit intrusively, but you may be drawing incomplete or inaccurate conclusions about the very trauma itself or what it means in the broader context of your life. You may believe a certain person in your life is much safer or more helpful than they really are; that you "didn't even react" when you maybe did so in a very powerful way; that you're at fault, when you unequivocally were not; that what occurred never hurt or 'wasn't that bad', when it very much did and absolutely was; that you felt fine, content, or enjoyment, when you really felt anger, disgust, or betrayal. The truth may completely reshape how you see yourself and everything around you. There is so much to be gleaned from these pieces coming together, and you deserve to know them in full, even though they're painful and difficult.

You also deserve to have control over your mind - no longer at its mercy when it throws these things at you when your guard’s at its lowest. Until then, we hope the some of the tools we have offered elsewhere can help to mitigate some of their effects (such as Flashbacks 101, Healing Pool/Light, Color Breathing, or Imagery with Dials), and additionally arm you with a different kind of strength and control over your symptoms.

Let's help take that power back!


MORE POSTS YOU MAY FIND HELPFUL:

  ✧  Grounding 101: 101 Grounding Techniques
  ✧  Distraction 101: 101 Distraction Tools
  ✧  Flashbacks 101: 4 Tools to Cope with Flashbacks
Self-Care 101: 101 Self-Care Tools
  ✧  Nighttime 101 and Nighttime 201Sleep Strategies for Complex PTSD
Color Breathing 101: How to Calm Overwhelming Emotions and Physical Pain
  ✧  Imagery 101Healing Pool and Healing Light
  ✧  DID MythsDispelling Common Misconceptions about Dissociative Identity Disorder
  ✧  Did You Know?: 8 Things We Should All Know about C-PTSD and DID
  ✧  Trauma and Attachment: 3-Part Series on Attachment Theory with Jade Miller
 
  ❖  
Article Index  ❖

 


FIND US ON SOCIAL MEDIA:

  ✦  Facebook
  ✦  Instagram
  ✦  Twitter

Healthy Thoughts to Ring in the New Year

The year has come to a close and it’s no secret that we’ve, collectively, gone through some pretty difficult times together these last few. As this newest one turns a page, you might find yourself greeting the horizon with excitement, wrestling with a lot of heaviness on your chest, or instead feeling rather indifferent or numb. As the last few years have been uniquely challenging, we were compelled to reach out to our already-vulnerable community and lend a hand amidst this ever-shifting landscape.

Even in the best of times, most folks tend to compartmentalize their years in a wide variety of ways. Some are healthy while others pose some fairly toxic pitfalls, ones that any one of us can fall into if we aren’t paying attention. So, when we’ve repeatedly heard these last few years referred to as ‘dumpster fires’ or end-times worthy, or are bearing witness to all the pleas for it to be over already so it doesn’t get worse, it can be so much harder to keep your head clear.  ..especially if you’re inclined to agree.

Since childhood trauma survivors are already more vulnerable to challenging thought patterns, painful memories, or broader triggers around this time of year, we wanted to bring some extra support and guidance to prevent whatever extra distress we can. We also want to lift you up in the New Year, so we’re going to tackle both at the same time! Here are some tricky patterns we’ve identified and some ways you can avoid falling into them this New Year’s (and many more to come):

 

#1 BLACK-AND-WHITE THINKING:

    It happens every year, and this one's no exception. Most of us take the last few days and weeks of December to reflect back on allllll that transpired over the past 12 months. And then? We make a judgment about it. Was it good, was it bad, did it veer a hard left somewhere along the line?

Next, we look ahead to the upcoming year and try to decide what kind of year it's going to be, and even set resolutions to make it so. Doing this, however, can really encourage strong black-and-white thinking — a thought pattern that is no stranger to trauma survivors. (Survivors with OCD, autism, and/or comorbid personality disorders may fall prey to this even stronger.) Deciding that this year was “good” or “bad,” and the next will be “difficult” or “promising,” is very black-or-white. In truth, no year is any one thing. Heck, there are 12 whole months! With 365+ individual days! How can 365 anythings be just ONE thing? They aren’t! Neither black nor white. They’re blue and green and six and square and magenta and car and twelve and train! They’re all KINDS of things. And that’s awesome. Great even!

    You don’t have to decide what kind of year you had. It’s already over. Defining it with a pretty little label isn’t going to change anything about it - just how you look back on it.  And with the current atmosphere, you could fall into calling it ‘black’ when it really might have only been more of a steely grey, or even silver. You don’t have to decide what next year is going to be either. Doing so leaves us very little wiggle room. If you decide it's going to be white, at the first sign of trouble you may be far more likely to think it's ruined. ..because you know who Black-and-White’s cousin is? All-or-Nothing. And we don’t need to antagonize her to join the party, too! Let your years just be what they are. A year. One revolution around the sun. And if you juuuust can’t help it and feel like you must label them, at least broaden your palette to some other colors, not just black or white. ;)

 

#2 DRAWING LINES IN THE SAND:

It's all just a part of New Year's Day 101. It’s the time to make New Year’s Resolutions and decide if we met last year's (if we even remember them - but probably not). Resolutions can be downright stressful if you’re someone who really wants to set them. Others couldn't care less and just skip out altogether - and that’s okay, too. We think a happy medium can be great, though.

Setting goals is honestly a great thing. It’s a huge part of recovery and healing. We should always seek to have long-term, short-term, and daily goals. And we should have them on a variety of subjects: mental health, work, relationships, physical health, self-care, big life experiences, etc. It's a great practice to have. But, your aspirations shouldn’t solely revolve around “The New Year”. You can set goals any time, any day, for any reason. You don’t have to wait for January 1st to get started. You can literally start the second you’re finished reading this. Unfortunately, for many, there seems to be a massive dividing line in the sand that separates December 31 from January 1. It's just a flaw in the way human minds work, but it doesn’t have to be that way.

    You can set goals any day, any time. They don’t have to be resolutions that only pertain to the New Year. Oftentimes, those are just blanket sentiments anyway and not so much the specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and timely goals (SMART) we should be setting! The latter is far more likely to yield results.

You don’t have to decide anything by a certain day, and your year isn’t ruined if you don’t get it right the first time, or even at all. Setting goals should be a daily or weekly practice, they don’t define your entire year. It’s also equally as permissible to NOT make resolutions at all. Nothing bad will happen to you, your upcoming year doesn’t lose focus just because you don’t have an outline, and you aren’t obligated to resolve to something just because other people are. We do think setting goals is important, but you can do it however and whenever it feels right to you.

There are no lines in the sand when it comes to days on a calendar page, nor between calendars, and you don’t have to wait until midnight to get started. Start midday, mid-month, mid-year for all anyone should care! Your life doesn’t have to wait for anyone or follow anyone else’s schedule. …including the calendar's.

 

#3 PURITY AND PERFECTIONISM:

Another distant cousin of All-or-Nothing, and a concept many trauma survivors can bump into often, is the idea of purity, perfection, and/or 'cleanliness'. Lots of folks talk about the new year as if it’s a blank canvas, an untouched masterpiece, a glistening white sheet of purity and possibilities! And in a way, sure, it is. It may even bring you tremendous comfort or enthusiastic determination to see it that way. You might feel you can breathe easier considering all that's to come and what you get to do with that fresh start. There’s nothing wrong with that kind of excitement or sense of “fresh air”. In fact, it’s great that you’re invigorated by it! We just want to be sure no one gets too caught up in the idea of an untouched surface that the possibility it could “get stained” by one accident, letdown, or small tragedy gets mixed in, too. 

We see this happen quite often, unfortunately. Many can truly and painfully believe their year has been ruined or is now “bad” after one mistake or significant hardship. They may put the whole year into a box and decide that’s all it’ll ever be - leaving them unwilling to try or even fully participate in all that’s left of it. We don’t want to see that happen with your new year. A few wrong strokes won’t ruin a painting. You just have to get a little more creative! These accidents very frequently lead to finished products that, while things didn’t quite go to plan, far exceed anything we’d originally intended anyway. And, we tend to walk away feeling much prouder of ourselves strictly because things didn’t go smoothly. We get to be impressed with our resourcefulness and surprised by our own capabilities when we look back at all the ways we still made it happen. That says something.

    Feel the excitement of a new fresh start and build yourself up to take on a new year. But also be mindful to not put it on too high a pedestal or consider it so pure, so innocent that the slightest imperfection could “stain” or “tarnish” it. It’s a new canvas, but it isn’t precious. You don’t have to be afraid to handle it, touch it, or fingerprint it. Get in there and mess it up and create something remarkable. Accidents, mistakes and the whole nine yards! And, don’t forget! If these fresh starts speak to you, each and every new DAY offers the same blank canvas to begin something new. You don’t have to wait until the following year and it doesn’t matter what yesterday looked like; today is new as well.

  

#4 SNOWBALLING AND CONFIRMATION BIAS:

The open, public sharing of one’s highs and lows each year has a way of both trivializing and catastrophizing a lot of suffering. Sometimes we’re met with the Trauma Olympics (“My year was so much worse, at least you had ____.” “Wow, looks like I win the Worst 20__ Award! Listen to all this. *trauma dumps*”) and other similarly competitive spirits. Other times there’s a completely insensitive lack of awareness that much of the world is enduring rather serious devastation. Or, conversely, a commiseration party kicks off, one that rapidly dials up the volume knobs on what folks might have otherwise gotten through okay. It’s that latter one that can really existing issues and snowball them with others until they’ve fully spiraled out of control.

The last few years have gathered an intense, grief-filled, fiery energy - one fueled by righteous anger, disgust, and overwhelm. When that's all you can see in your own world, every headline has a harsh edge to it, and every loved one’s post carries an all-too-familiar sting, it has a way of projecting a heavy cloud of negativity over everything you see. ..one that once grabbed ahold of, grows legs.

Perhaps you were actually thinking this wasn't such a bad year for you, personally! Maybe you even accomplished some radically wonderful things — got a degree, started therapy, made it through self-harm free, had a child, beat a life-threatening illness, found a job, or achieved a new personal best in something. Or, even if it was rough on you, you knew you’d surely had worse ones in the past. But, when every year-in-review is set out to remind you that “No, this year was, inarguably, the literal worst for every single person out there,” you will inevitably start looking for more examples of that in your own life. It’s a really dangerous flame to fan.

Suddenly, you’re no longer just recalling the bad that happened in the world, but seeing your own hiccups through the same morose lenses. And, quickly, the aches and pains you may've forgotten all about begin to resurface with quickness, and now they're holding real weight. Furthermore, at this point in time, it really can be alien to hear anyone say “This was a GREAT year for me!” - even if it really and truly was. In desperation to connect, be a witness to the hurt many of us have become numb to, and remedy our desires to feel less alone, most will make it a priority to validate the awful. But, that’s also a slippery slope if not self-aware.

While wholly understandable right now, this somber focal lens (as opposed to an additive or supplement aid to mindful reflection) can take fresh wounds and pour salt into them. It can draw our attention to scars that were just beginning to heal and occlude our vision from any beauty that also existed to comfort us. That isn’t healthy overall, but can get especially sticky for survivors, who have so many layers of pain that could unearth.

    Let yourself find the good things in the year, no matter how foreign it feels or unpopular it makes you. If you find yourself going through your year with a fine-tooth comb to spot all the bad things, we encourage you to step away or use the same mental energy to shift focus toward all the ways you came through those really dark, hurtful moments. Your pain has already been accounted for, it has already happened. We don’t need the weight of it to crush you once again as it comes barreling down the hill, gathering momentum with each stray heartache, frustration, nuisance, or slight you would've otherwise breezed by. It’s time to halt the snowball. ..or, at the very least, get outta the way! ;)

 

#5 WRAPPING THINGS UP (LITERALLY):

    Unlike the first four, this one isn’t so much a “problem to remedy” as it is a note for moving forward and a chance to find balance in pitfalls we can turn into tools. We also wanted to end on a positive thought, so the slight tone change is appropriate.

Perhaps you had a really hard year — wholly and honestly. Maybe you learned of new memories, couldn't find a therapist, had a bunch of medical health complications, or lost someone truly important to you. For you, it might actually be a nice exercise in containment to wrap alllll those things up into a Year 20__ box, seal it tight, and just move forward. This can actually be a great tool for many people.

    Traumatic material is hard, and anything we can do to keep it from revisiting our present when we don’t want it to should be encouraged (so long as it’s through a safe means, of course!). For many, there truly is great comfort in mentally packing the year up in all its borders, holding that difficult content “in the past”, and turning your head toward the future. The reason this isn’t ill-advised is because when you contain something, you aren’t stuffing it down, forcing it out of sight, or trying to ignore it forever — nor are you making a judgment about what it is you're putting away. You’re just mentally collecting it in some type of organizational manner and temporarily setting it aside until you’re ready to revisit it again in therapy. Key words: temporarily and revisit.

    For some, using the end of the year as a bookend is a kind of containment all its own that really appeals to the mind. And, if that works for you, by all means use it! However, if you feel that your brain instead puts too much stock in dates, times, years, and numbers, this might not be your best method. You may find that it reemphasizes the dates of traumas/life challenges, and when they come back around in future year(s), they feel all that much more loaded. But, only you know your thought patterns, vulnerabilities, and what would be most/least helpful to you. If this mental exercise is useful, we definitely encourage you to use it as you move forward. (There are other means of containment that don't involve calendars/time if that way's not for you! Don't worry!)

    Just know, that as much as you may try to put a year away, or all the symptoms you wrestled with in it behind you, they may still follow you. And that’s okay. It doesn’t mean that the upcoming year is already decided or that it’s going to be as tough as the one prior. It just means that this year's events were sincerely difficult and are finding it hard to be put on pause. You may need to find new ways to address those struggles or break them down into smaller pieces to contain. When done thoughtfully and carefully, putting a troubling season away so you can look ahead to a new one with fresher eyes and a stronger heart can be a very healthy thing to do. It’s all in the approach, intentionality, flexibility, and mindset behind it. And, as some wise folks have said, the calendar never did anything to you. The earth and the stars have no idea what day it is. Only we give it that power. You got this!

 

 

    In closing, we know this year may've been hard. For others, it may've been a year of victories. In truth, it was probably a bit of both for most of us. No matter what yours was like, we still can’t help but wish you a happy, healthy, SAFE and WELL-BALANCED new one. Hopefully, in picking out some of these little “thought pitfalls”, you’ll feel able to navigate the upcoming days a little easier and even catch yourself when you notice your mind heading down one of those messy paths.

    You aren’t alone either, just as the past years have had a similar variety of highs and lows for us at Beauty After Bruises. We have now met so many of you, heard your stories of strength, held many positively moving fundraisers, and gotten to interact with you individually - online and in person - in such meaningful ways. We hope that our future years together are continually bright, and that you feel our unending support with every photo we post, article we write, fundraiser we host, and dollar we put toward your treatment. Thank you for all you’ve brought to us personally and to our broader community. You are changing the world in such a beautiful way and you deserve to be - no, need to be - proud of yourself. Take a moment to celebrate YOU, knowing you’ve been a part of something great. May you step out of this holiday season strong, always knowing you’re on our hearts and minds.  


 

P.S.  While we don’t have a specific “getting through New Year's Day” guide as it pertains to the physical act of attending family gatherings, NYE parties, and such, you may find our 2 articles on Surviving the Holidays with C-PTSD and Coping with Toxic/Abusive Families still very helpful and worth revisiting each holiday season. If you feel like the fireworks and loud bangs of New Year celebrations are just too much, our Grounding 101 article may be just what you need instead! If not, going into a fresh year fully rooted, present and in the here and now is a wonderful intention to set for all that’s ahead! But, finally, if you're just utterly exhausted from the non-stop sprint through the season, you may be desperately needing some Distraction 101 and Self-Care 101. Go take care of number one: you.

 

MORE POSTS YOU MAY FIND HELPFUL:

  ✧  Grounding 101: 101 Grounding Techniques
  ✧  Distraction 101: 101 Distraction Tools
  ✧  Flashbacks 101: 4 Tools to Cope with Flashbacks
  ✧  Nighttime 101 and Nighttime 201Sleep Strategies for Complex PTSD
Color Breathing 101: How to Calm Overwhelming Emotions and Physical Pain
  ✧  Imagery 101Healing Pool and Healing Light
  ✧  DID MythsDispelling Common Misconceptions about Dissociative Identity Disorder
  ✧  Did You Know?: 8 Things We Should All Know about C-PTSD and DID
  ✧  Trauma and Attachment: 3-Part Series on Attachment Theory with Jade Miller
 
  ❖  
Article Index  ❖

 


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  ✦  Instagram
  ✦  Twitter

Self-Care 101: Featuring 101 Self-Care Techniques for Trauma Survivors

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Self-Care


When you hear the term “self-care”, you may envision cozy blankets, warm mugs and a very Pinterest-y collection of activities fit for a #SelfCareSunday. In truth, self-care extends well beyond the simple comforts, yet for survivors of complex trauma, just achieving these moments of self-kindness can be a real challenge. It can even feel abrasive, anxiety-inducing or undeserved. We hope to be able to help you challenge those feelings while also offering a wide variety of options to explore at your own pace — from the most low-effort and temporary acts of self-care, to the most impactful, long-lasting, and self-honoring.

To start, let's define self-care:

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So, if self-care sounds so life-giving and healing, why is it so hard?

As with anything related to trauma, it’s complicated. The reasons can be extremely vast and layered. However, for most who have survived recurrent childhood trauma, they’re often left with both a negative self-concept and a negative-world view. After being made to feel worthless, “bad”, shameful, as if they’re the one to blame, or their sole purpose in this world is to be hurt, just trying to think gently toward one’s self can create profound dissonance. More self-loving actions, particularly those physical in nature, can inflict a kind of pain or friction that almost feels intolerable or just plain “wrong”. However, while difficult, it’s still imperative that we try to rewrite those scripts and retrain our brains to accept the nurture and compassion we crave. The longer we deepen the pathways of self-neglect, self-hate, obsessive care-taking, people-pleasing, overwork, isolation, or self-harm, the harder it is to break free and the more displeasing it feels to try. And, unfortunately, when self-care doesn’t immediately “feel good”, we’re no longer incentivized to try again. But we must.

We cannot run on empty and we cannot live always scraping the bottom; we must give from the overflow. We are more efficient, more vibrant, clearer-thinking, more energetic, more loving, more patient, and more connected to others and the world when we’re satiated and restored. Just a small shift in that equilibrium can make us cranky or irritable, so chronically running on empty starts to cause irreversible damage — even at the cellular level. But, when we’re taken care of and thoughtful to ourselves and our bodies, we are not only healthier, we’re better humans to those we love and care about. Taking care of yourself has a ripple effect of positive change and influence. It can also be a corrective experience. Treating your body, mind, and spirit with love and kindness gives you a chance to feel the very things you were denied or didn’t know you needed. YOU have a chance to be in control and to be the benefactor of that gift — what a remarkable shift in dynamics from what you’ve always known. Self-care is active defiance against all who hurt you or trained you to hurt yourself. With every positive affirmation, loving touch, and self-protective act, you strongly reject and defy everything they drilled into you and hoped you’d feel forever. Reclaim your worth. It’s YOURS, not theirs.

Self-care is in no way selfish. It is an absolute necessity for all living beings. We deserve to feel well, nourished, secure, and forgiven. And, meeting our needs helps more than just us. Our loved ones want to see us fulfilled, and they enjoy seeing when we carry ourselves with lightness. Those needs, however, are in no way limited to what can be resolved with an adult coloring book or Netflix series. They’re complex and meeting them may require larger tasks such as setting appropriate boundaries, changing jobs, paying bills on time, scheduling doctor's appointments, ending self-harming behaviors, and so much more. Below, you’ll find a wide variety of self-care options.  We cannot wait to hear about your journey with greater self-empathy and learning the positive impact that taking ownership of your life can create.
 

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101 Self Care Techniques

Here are 101 tools for practicing self-care! We’ve organized them by those that are somewhat more low-effort (things you can do from where you’re seated or while still fighting symptoms), to those that will require some planning, a trip outside, or considerable follow-through. They’re also loosely sorted by their impact as well. Some tools exist in short-lived bursts and just refuel the tank, others will prompt more significant, life-sustaining change over the course of years.

As always with trauma, not all of these suggestions will work for you. Some may be triggering or even exacerbate other mental health conditions. Use your discretion: take what you need and leave what you don’t. However, do keep in mind that just because something seems aversive or anxiety-inducing doesn’t mean it isn’t deeply needed or ultimately self-caring. This is especially true with the more involved actions. Not all will feel good as you complete them - in fact, few will. Despite this, the healing at completion is what’s worth the trial of pushing through the task.  So pace yourself, but also challenge yourself to not object outright just because something sounds scary or hard. The most difficult things can sometimes be the things you need most! Happy self-caring!



Low Effort / Impact

  1. Take a 10-minute break from whatever you’re doing - work, house-cleaning, scrolling social media, etc - to close your eyes and, just, be. Perhaps add some mindfulness, imagery or meditation as you recharge.

  2. Take a short nap. (Rest is often one of the primary things missing for survivors. Give yourself permission. It’s okay. You deserve a chance to turn off and feel less vigilant and tense.)

  3. Apply body lotions, face creams and/or essential oils. Appreciate the scent. Pay attention to the kindness and attention you’re giving your skin and senses.

  4. Listen to an audiobook or podcast.

  5. Listen to a specific self-care oriented playlist.

  6. Watch a light-hearted comedy show, stand-up routine, film or YouTube video.

  7. Allow yourself a binge-watch session on Netflix/Hulu/Amazon.

  8. Watch the live feed from the International Space Station (ISS).

  9. Catch your favorite sport or watch re-runs of one of the best matches/games/meets. You already know the outcome, so limited attention is required, you just get to relive the excitement that you likely haven’t felt for awhile.

  10. Enjoy your favorite snack or have one you rarely get to enjoy.

  11. Text a friend or safe family member. Reach out.

  12. Make a gratitude list or write in your gratitude journal. Express appreciation or thankfulness for some of the simplest things as well as the extremely significant things in your day/life.

  13. List 10 things that… you are good at, that you like about yourself (or are learning to like), or reasons you are a good person and deserve care.

  14. List 20 accomplishments you have made this year.

  15. Repeat a personal mantra. Examples: I am worthy, I am enough, There are people who love me even when I am unsure of myself, I am innocent, etc.

  16. Permission to not be perfect. Let the dishes stay in the sink, don’t make the bed, don’t vacuum, for just one night.

  17. Take your prescribed medications. They help your body function optimally and give it what it needs. You deserve them.

  18. Allow yourself to take PRN medications if you are in need.

  19. Hydrate. Try limiting from caffeines, energy drinks, sodas, etc and boost your water intake if needed.

  20. Spend some time with a pet: give them lots of snuggles, pets, walks, grooming, or play with them.

  21. Use a weighted blanket, weighted lap pad, or weighted vest. Apply deep pressure or compression with other items if you don’t have these. Soothe your overstimulated nervous system and feel more rooted and grounded in your body.

  22. Listen to music specifically with earbuds in. Allow yourself a chance to drown out the rest of the world entirely.

  23. Download incredible self-care apps like Finch. Even those of us here at BAB, who educate on self-care use this and give it two enthusiastic thumbs up!

  24. Watch “Try Not to Laugh” or “Try Not to Sing/Dance” Challenge videos on YouTube. You’ll probably accidentally break at least once and that’s half the fun! ;)

  25. Our go-to favorite: try to laugh without smiling. If nothing else, this video of several trying to do so will bring immediate joy: CLICK!

  26. Watch oddly-satisfying compilations, ASMR videos (if they’re enjoyable/safe for you), or any other sensorily-comforting activities.

  27. Experiment with selfies. Learn to appreciate your self, your skin, your features. Start the journey of being more okay with you. OR! Just take a moment to rock it like you always do.

  28. Make pictures out of your freckles, drawings out of your scars, and beauty from your wrinkles. With intention, practice the act of loving the skin you’re in (in a very non-cheesy, Dove commercial kinda way :) ).

  29. Hold a stuffed animal, soft blanket, or other comfort item. Run your fingers over meaningful items from loved ones, necklaces/rings, coins, stones, or other special pieces. 

  30. Watch your favorite childhood movie - especially if younger parts of you are in need of those positive memories.

  31. Scroll through self-acceptance, body positive, or self-love tags online for uplifting encouragement to look after and love the you that you are today.

  32. Delete apps that are draining your time, energy, and/or focus. You can always add them back, but try ditching them for awhile to see how it feels.

  33. Mute/block folks on social media that are causing you stress or bringing you down.

  34. Put your phone on silent, including no vibrate (aside emergency contacts if necessary), for at least a couple of hours. Notice how it feels to be disconnected from that world and engaged with the one directly around you.

  35. Go through a folder of saved meaningful comments, emails or personal letters/cards. If you don’t have one of these, create one.
    Start by making a computer or phone folder just for screenshots of nice, uplifting comments/messages received from loved ones; cool moments, replies or follows from celebs or people you really admire; or any special moments that made you feel excited, encouraged or that really touched your heart. Revisiting this treasure trove can really help restore your faith in others but most importantly your love for YOU.




    Medium Effort / Impact

  36. Read a book, any book!

  37. Look ahead to your upcoming week/month and see if there are any obligations that you can remove or delegate to someone else.

  38. Reach out to a support group/group chat for some positive reinforcement.

  39. Wash your face, brush your teeth, take a shower, change your clothes. Sometimes that’s all you can do but it can make you feel SO much better.

  40. Take a bath (perhaps using oils, bath bombs, or creating a calming environment).

  41. Mild pampering. Do a face mask, paint your nails, shave your face or legs, or do any other caring act toward your body (Any gender! Face masks and nail polish are for everyone!)

  42. Stretch. Open up your body. Breathe deep and connect to yourself in your skin. Be present with yourself. (Kundalini yoga can be a style that’s quite pleasant to many survivors.)

  43. Wear something you absolutely love or have always wanted to wear, regardless of what others might think/say. This is your life, your body, your aesthetic. Wear it for you. It affects their life path 0%, and yours considerably.

  44. Do imagery exercises where you are able to fly, drift weightlessly atop clouds, swim without holding your breath, swing on a trapeze, or be wrapped up in hanging silks, etc. Let yourself feel floaty and breezy in the air or fully supported by something gentle beneath you. Feel the tension leave your body as you transport yourself to this place of suspended pain.

  45. Make your favorite meal — no guilt allowed!

  46. Go get some fro-yo, ice cream, or other dietary-friendly dessert. We all need a social treat from time to time!

  47. Play with bubbles, sparklers, sidewalk chalk, or something else silly-but-aesthetically-pleasing!

  48. Remind yourself that: Getting started is the hardest part. “I just have to start, then it’s so much simpler than I am imagining it to be.” The greatest obstacle that most all of us face is getting started. Things are almost never as hard, dreadful, boring, or unpleasant as we think they’ll be. And, after we’re in our groove, we wonder whyyyy we waited so long. Recall all the times you felt this way to motivate you to get started on whatever it is that you need to do!

  49. Write a letter to your body — one of love, compassion, thankfulness, respect.

  50. Write a personal letter of self-forgiveness.

  51. Play an instrument or sing with passion — it doesn’t matter if you’re any good or not, the only thing that matters is you let it come from deep down and just let it out.

  52. Do something creative (art, painting, a DIY project, wood-working, building).

  53. De-clutter to de-stress. (If this will trigger OCD thoughts/compulsions, perhaps try something else, or instead use the opportunity to specifically work on these thoughts and show yourself the mastery you can have over difficult tasks.)

  54. Change your sheets and linens to make a more relaxing space — one that is more fresh and cozy for you.

  55. Create the Pinterest dream: get in your most cozy PJs early, find the snuggliest blanket and just curl up for the evening doing something you like.

  56. Play your favorite video game.

  57. Pull out an old GameBoy, PC game, or childhood board game — dive into some positive nostalgia or let young parts of yourself enjoy a game they know so very well.

  58. Specifically listen to music or watch films that will stir deeper emotions. Just let yourself get them out without shame or fear. We all need a good cry and to feel safe enough to express what’s been stuck.

  59. Spend time in a bookstore or library, by yourself or with friends.

  60. Turn on some pumped up music and just dance, rock out, sing, let go — shame free.

  61. Go to a park to swing on swings, go down a slide, climb the monkey bars. Tap into younger you and give yourself the gift of carefree fun without any fear.

  62. Try various guided imagery scripts, progressive muscle relaxation, or do your own personal imagery routine. We even have some examples here to manage physical or emotional pain.

  63. Do children’s activities (for young alters or your inner child): read children books, watch cartoons, enjoy Disney movies, color with crayons, play with matchbox cars or dinosaurs, build a fort, get creative!

  64. Remove current triggers from your environment.

  65. List some new goals — both short term and long term. (Make ‘em SMART: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Timely)

  66. FaceTime/Skype with a loved one you haven’t seen for spoken to for awhile.

  67. Play a sport or do a physical activity you love (even if you’re no good at it anymore!). It’s all about reconnecting to that joy and sense of identity more than it is about having a successful endeavor.

  68. Work with your hands outside: gardening, re-potting plants, planting new ones, raking leaves, etc. Connect with the earth and your body. Reflect on the nurture you’re giving to these living things and remind yourself of the own vitality you deserve, and how it needs to be restored from time to time, too.

  69. Take a hike, walk through the woods, stroll along a beach - somewhere away from the busyness of the world - to have some alone time with you, your thoughts and all of the nature.

  70. Go for a long drive. Blast music. Roll the windows down.

  71. Submit your rent or pay your electric/cable/phone/car insurance bills. Scratch them off the to-do list and get them off your mind.

  72. Make that doctors appointment, schedule the dentist, prepare to see the GYN, plan for that surgery — take that scary step of caring for your health and body. Make those calls. You’ve got this. Your body is counting on you.

  73. Buy yourself an item that isn’t a basic necessity. It’s so nice to have a few items just for joy or entertainment.

  74. Schedule body-healing appointments: a massage, fitness class, acupuncture session, beauty treatment, or other self-soothing service.

  75. Return the voicemails, emails or other correspondence that are presently overwhelming you.




    Higher Effort / Impact


  76. Say NO to something causing you distress. Feel the way you are taking control of your life and notice the strength in your voice.

  77. Consider a week-long social media detox.

  78. Try disallowing last-minute cancelling for a week or a month. Remind yourself how amazing you feel when you get home from something you so badly wanted to back-out from. Remind yourself that while the thought of cancelling can feel exhilarating, it almost NEVER feels as good as the pride and happiness you feel when you’ve conquered it or know the great memories you just created. 

  79. Plan to attend a concert, Broadway or theater show, comedian, TEDTalk, or author on a book tour. Pick something really important to you and carve out that time with intention.

  80. Join a painting, wood-working, photography, creative writing, graphic design, or other class. Connect with your community while trying something new.

  81. Rearrange your room or most-used living space. Shake things up and make it an environment that really honors what you need from a room you spend so much time in.

  82. Journal. Express what’s on your heart and mind. Honor that and give it a voice. Then contain it neatly within those pages so that you can walk away from it when you need.

  83. Write letters of gratitude to loved ones. Make this one that you would truly send to them. Make it an exercise in vulnerability, safe attachment and building lasting relationships.

  84. Plan future visits with friends and incentivize yourself to follow through.

  85. Spend quality time with your kids — pressure free, totally organic, just enjoying their company.

  86. Plan a mini-vacation, weekend getaway, staycation, or at-home break. You need and deserve to recharge.

  87. Experiment with fun, different hair colors and/or cuts. Try mixing up your clothing style. Really find yourself while also challenging yourself to see if there’s anything there you didn’t know was hiding inside.

  88. Plan out new tattoos, body modifications, etc. Embark in the act of self-love and identity-building. Take control of your body safely and in a way you’ve never possibly gotten to before.

  89. Complete a body map. Or several. (Examples: Here and plenty more in the book You Are Here.)

  90. Go swimming, float in the tub, try a float spa, etc. Go somewhere where you can truly feel more weightless, with no pressure on your body. Bask in that lightness and feel what a wonderful thing you’re doing for your body.

  91. Try kickboxing, martial arts, jujitsu, etc. Get out all the anxiety, fear and anger. Feel strong and empowered in your body and what it can do.

  92. Experiment with safe touch. Use feathers, cotton, string, fingertips, light scratching, something cool, something warm. Drag them across your skin in varying places. Connect with your body and appreciate its ability to distinguish such subtle changes. Notice how different areas of the body read that stimuli differently. Try to self-soothe with the kinds of touch that you discover feel nice.

  93. Similarly, experiment with safe sensuality. This can be a terrifying concept for so many survivors. Becoming more comfortable with your body in a controlled, empowered way - with agency and self-love - can start to dilute so many layers of conditioned fear-response or shame. Appreciate your body as your own, no one else’s; notice what it can do, feel, sense, desire - all at your direction. Recognize that it’s safe, healthy, secure, and all YOURS. In time, consider opening this exploration up with a trusted partner/spouse.

  94. Make a commitment to take care of your body in every way. Delineate a plan that includes exercise, proper nourishment, cessation of self-harming behaviors, therapy, a consistent medication regimen, healthy relationships, meaningful productivity, FUN, and so much more. Try to strive for balance and observe the areas you are lacking. List ways you can combat this.

  95. Research that new doctor, dentist, therapist, or clinician you’ve been needing to find. If you are currently with a provider you frequently cancel on, don’t feel listens to you, makes you feel bad about yourself, or isn’t helping you achieve your goals, make a plan to end care with them and have a replacement lined up. No longer accept sub-par or harmful treatment. You are hiring them. They are paid to work for you. If they are failing as your employee, let them go. You deserve more.

  96. Volunteer somewhere that really speaks to your heart. Whether that is an animal shelter, soup kitchen/food pantry, after-school program, services for low-income or homeless individuals, or a charity like ours, find what really stirs in your heart and makes you feel like you’re fulfilling a greater life purpose.

  97. Connect with a sense of spirituality if you have one or desire one. Take time to explore prayer, listen to spiritual/religious music, read books or articles, attend a service or group, etc. Carve out the time to make this possible in a meaningful way. If you have a very complicated relationship with anything spiritual or religion-based, just take the time to instead connect to the aspects of yourself that are bigger than just your thoughts/actions. Explore what makes you, you — whether that’s your soul, essence, energy, spirit, or some other nebulous idea. Spend time with yourself in a way that really takes into consideration your place in a more vast universe.

  98. Write a letter to your younger self (or selves). Express forgiveness, love, and understanding for young you. Give those parts of you comfort. Tell them the things you wished someone had told you at that age. When you are ready, be detailed and specific. Allow the most wounded parts of your being to feel the compassion, respect and understanding you have for them today. Give them love. Be the person you needed when you were younger.

  99. Learn a skill. Increase your sense of self-sufficiency. Learn to sew, change a tire, unclog a drain, repair electronics, change your own oil, do your own taxes, navigate public transit, photoshop, etc — you name it!

  100. List all of the things you’ve already gained or COULD gain from giving up self-harming, self-disrespecting or suicidal behaviors. Compare and contrast those to what engaging in them currently provides. If you have not created a safety plan or established a personal “triangle of choices”, create one of those.

  101. Set boundaries with those in your life who really need firmer boundaries — even those for whom it is very difficult to do so. Be firm, clear, specific and confident. You can also be kind and compassionate, but don’t allow that to cloud the non-negotiability of these terms. Whether this is done in the form of a letter, email, phone call, or face to face discussion, know your limits and then set them with others. You deserve it. You require it. And you can do this.


Bonus acts of self care:

⤞ If you’re currently in a job that’s harming your mental health, a home that’s causing health issues, a relationship that’s breaking down your self-esteem or worth, a location that’s not safe for you or doesn’t have what you need, or you’re in a place where you don’t have access to the resources you need to not only survive but thrive — strongly consider all of your options to change these circumstances. Explore services that could help you find solutions if you don’t even know what those might look like. You don’t have to do this on your own. 

⤞ Get a brand new pet or look into training a service animal.

⤞ Send us an email, fill out an application, reach out in the comments. Feel our support, care and love. We are here for you!


Don’t forget to share your go-to acts of self-care with us and other survivors below!
You may unlock the answer to a specific ache in someone else!

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MORE POSTS YOU MAY FIND HELPFUL:

  ✧  Grounding 101: 101 Grounding Techniques
  ✧  Distraction 101: 101 Distraction Tools
  ✧  Flashbacks 101: 4 Tools to Cope with Flashbacks
  ✧  Nighttime 101 and Nighttime 201Sleep Strategies for Complex PTSD
Color Breathing 101: How to Calm Overwhelming Emotions and Physical Pain
  ✧  Imagery 101Healing Pool and Healing Light
  ✧  DID MythsDispelling Common Misconceptions about Dissociative Identity Disorder
  ✧  Did You Know?: 8 Things We Should All Know about C-PTSD and DID
  ✧  Trauma and Attachment: 3-Part Series on Attachment Theory with Jade Miller
 
  ❖  
Article Index  ❖

 


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